Candice Forward’s story of hope and healing after her child’s leukaemia

[00:00:00] 

[00:02:36] Kate: Hi, and welcome to Talking Blood Cancer. I am your host, Kate iff. In today’s episode, Maryanne is speaking with Candace Ford, a mother of three who knows firsthand the challenges of navigating a childhood blood cancer diagnosis. When her youngest son River was just two and a half years old, he was diagnosed with T-Cell acute lymphoblastic leukemia, turning their family’s world upside down. 

[00:03:04] Candice shares the realities of river’s intensive nine month period of treatment, 

[00:03:09] the emotional weight of balancing 

[00:03:11] care between three children, and the importance of seeking professional support to process the trauma and grief. She also opens up about river’s, bone marrow transplant with his older brother, Reed as the donor, and the complex emotions that followed, including survivor’s guilt and the challenges of post-treatment adjustment. 

[00:03:32] This is a deeply honest conversation about resilience, gratitude, 

[00:03:37] and the small practice that helps families move forward. 

[00:03:40] Candace’s insights on peer support, open communication, and the need for systemic change. Offer hope and practical guidance for anyone walking the similar path. 

[00:03:52] So let’s dive into today’s episode. 

[00:03:54] Maryanne: Hello, my name is Maryanne Skarparis, and welcome to Talking Blood Cancer. Today, I’m excited to welcome into the podcast room Candice Forward. Morning, Candice. 

[00:04:05] Candice: Good morning. Thank you for having me. 

[00:04:08] Maryanne: Usually, we like to do when we start these conversations is to just shape a little bit about the background of, your family, your situation, your person who has lived with a blood cancer. Can you share with us, Candice, a little bit about you and your story? 

[00:04:22] Candice: So I have three children. Addison, Reed and River. And back in 2022, my youngest son, River, was diagnosed with T-Cell ALL.  

[00:04:34] Maryanne: Just for the listeners, that’s T-Cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia, isn’t it? 

[00:04:39] Candice: Correct. Yeah. So he was two and a half at that time. And yeah, our journey went for roughly nine months. And most of that time, he was an inpatient at the Royal Children’s Hospital. 

[00:04:52] Maryanne: Can I ask, Candice, what was happening to Little River at the time when he was diagnosed? What led you to the GP in the first place? 

[00:05:00] Candice: River’s daycare teacher actually come back to me and said one day, ‘I’ve noticed River’s not his usual self. He’s not outside playing with the kids.’ And I had noticed as well at home he was quite tired and not as much energy. And she said, yeah, I’ve really noticed this last week. He just wants to be inside. He doesn’t wanna socialise. And I thought, okay. And he had a little bit of a cold at that point. A runny nose and a little bit of a congested chest. And I said to…, it went on for a few more days and I said to my partner, ‘listen, like, he might have a chest infection or maybe it’s adenoids?’ I said, because…, 

[00:05:35] Maryanne: Mmm 

[00:05:36] Candice: He started snoring at night time as well 

[00:05:40] Maryanne: Oh? 

[00:05:41] Candice: And I was like, oh, he’s really congested. I said, I dunno, I think something more is happening here. It’s not just a cold. So I booked into the GP, I took River, and he actually agreed with me and said, look, he has a cold, but I think you should see a specialist…, 

[00:05:56] Maryanne: Yup. 

[00:05:57] Candice: ….,for his adenoids. But there’s a six-week wait.  

[00:05:59] Maryanne: Oh goodness.  

[00:05:59] Candice: So I was like, okay. So we went back home and I put River to bed this night and the next morning we woke up and I…, he was awake nearly all night. He couldn’t breathe properly, and sniffing and snoring. So I said to my partner, I said, you know what, I’m gonna take him down to Ballarat Private Hospital. It’s got an emergency department there for children. And I’m going to try and skip the queue for the six week wait, ’cause there’s no way I can wait six weeks. He’s struggling. So I took him down there, they checked him over and they said, yeah, look, we think he’s got a chest infection. We’re going to give him some steroids. So they gave him some steroids. We went home that night. I put him to bed. I woke up the next morning and he had vomited through the bed. 

[00:06:40] Maryanne: Oh… 

[00:06:40] Candice: And I thought he’s got gastro from the hospital. So I sat with him most of the day and he was just, yeah not great. And my partner got home that night and looked at him and said, ‘Candice, he doesn’t look right. We’re taking him back to emergency.’  

[00:06:54] Maryanne: Mmm. 

[00:06:55] Candice: So we raced him back to Ballarat. And upon arrival they checked his heart rate and all his obs. And then that’s when things went south real quick. He was close to cardiac arrest. And what had happened was the steroids had actually started breaking down the mass that he had in his chest, which then flooded his system with all the toxins. So it turned chaotic real quick. So straight away, we were just told we’re trying to save him basically. We hadn’t been told about the cancer at that point. I think an hour or so went by and they’d done blood tests. And that’s when we were told, ‘Listen, his white blood cell count is extremely high. And our thoughts at this stage is he has cancer.’ 

[00:07:42] Maryanne: Oh, devastating news that any parent doesn’t wanna hear.  

[00:06:40] Candice: Yeah. All in a matter of a few hours going from thinking our son had gastro to your son is critical and has cancer. It was horrific. 

[00:07:56] Maryanne: Oh, how do you digest? It would’ve been horrific.  

[00:08:00] Candice: Yeah. 

[00:08:00] Maryanne: And so that started the journey of treatment. And, how did you manage as a mum of three young children, you and your partner, how did you manage that time?  

[00:08:10] Candice: We were very fortunate. We had a lot of family support…,  

[00:08:14] Maryanne: Good. 

[00:08:14] Candice: …, Friend support and our community rallied around us like you wouldn’t believe. So we were very lucky. My parents were living in Queensland at the time. They actually moved back to Melbourne and lived at my house with my two other children to keep them in schedule. And because River was an inpatient most of the nine months, my partner and I would do three days on and three days off. So I would go in for three days…, 

[00:08:43] Maryanne: Yup. 

[00:08:43] Candice: And then he would come in, we’d swap and I’d go home for three days and he’d be in the hospital for three days with River. So we were crossing paths for maybe an hour every three days for around nine months.  

[00:08:53] Maryanne: Wow.  

[00:08:55] Candice: Yeah. So it was, it was pretty intense. 

[00:08:58] Maryanne: Reflecting on that time for you, I would imagine, would be quite surreal, Candice. 

[00:09:02] Candice: Yeah. You go into kind of survival mode where I think you just feel numb, you don’t feel anything. You just, every day you take it hour by hour and it’s as if your body knows to just shut everything else off so you can survive, for the moment you need to survive. Yeah, it was really tough. 

[00:09:22] Maryanne: I’m sure that communication too, with you and your partner was very much looking at the needs of the other two as well as River.  

[00:09:29] Candice: Correct. 

[00:09:29] Maryanne: And I think the beauty of just even hearing how you managed that time, whilst you only had an hour for each other in the passing ships…, 

[00:09:36] Candice: Yeah. 

[00:09:37] Maryanne: You still devoted time to your two little people…, 

[00:09:40] Candice: Yeah. 

[00:09:41] Maryanne:  And equally recognising that all of them and yourselves needed that time with those individuals, hey. 

[00:09:50] Candice: Yeah, yep. So whoever was home for the three days, we would spend time with the other two children, and my mom and dad were fantastic. They’d have dinner cooked every night and their school uniform ready for school the next day. And it was during the end of COVID, so the kids weren’t really able to come in and see River. It was really tough on them. They knew their brother was unwell, but they couldn’t see him. And if he was well enough to FaceTime, it would only be half an hour, maybe once every two weeks or something. So yeah, it was really tough on my two children at home. 

[00:10:28] Maryanne: Did you find it difficult finding the right words or recognising how to provide the right support or where did you draw that guidance from during that time in how to manage the emotions of those of yourselves. Did you get any professional support to help you both with your relationship, how you were managing time and also the education of your young children? Or was that something that seemed to happen organically because of the love of family? 

[00:10:57] Candice: Yeah, I’d say it happened organically. However, I think within the first few months, a friend of mine said to me, ‘Candice, you really need to see someone, just give it a go.’ I wasn’t too keen on it at the start because I just couldn’t understand how someone could make me feel any better. You know, like, how can someone help? Their child’s not sick with cancer. How can they even relate to that? I don’t see the point.  

[00:11:21] Maryanne: Yeah. 

[00:11:21] Candice: However, I did go, and I started going weekly. And I found a lady local, a psychologist, and she was amazing. She actually helped me a lot more than I thought it would. Just speaking to someone outside the circle and getting some tips on how to process what we were going through and how to handle conversations with our children. I found it really beneficial. 

[00:11:44] Maryanne: That value around…, and you’re not the only one. I know that there’s several families with little ones and I get that when you are feeling so overwhelmed in the surreality of your reality. You can’t imagine what anyone would say that could fix it or make it better. And, I really love how you’ve just so genuinely shared because I do think it’s of value, taking that opportunity, engaging with someone like a psychologist who has been of value…, 

[00:12:14] Candice: Mmm. 

[00:12:14] Maryanne: It really just gave you the strength or tips or ways to help you manage your emotions or even validate how you’re feeling in a given time. 

[00:12:24] Candice: Yeah. Yeah, she was fantastic. And I remember during our conversations she’d often say to me, ‘Candice it’s after this is all done where you are really going to need me.’  

[00:12:37] Maryanne: Mm-hmm. 

[00:12:37] Candice: And I couldn’t understand what she meant. And I was like, what do you mean? ‘You’re in a state of survival mode at the moment. But when you finally get to the end of River’s journey, that’s when you’re going to need me.’ And I just thought, oh yeah. And it wasn’t until later on that I look back and I’m like, wow, she was right. 

[00:12:37] Maryanne: So do you wanna talk a little bit about exactly that Candice? Because I know that when you’ve got a lot on, and you’re watching your little child and you are in a ward, and you’ve got the buzz of the nurses, and you’re watching the counts and all of that sort of thing. It is an intensive time. What has this time meant for you when treatment has finished? Has he rung the bell? All of those poignant moments.  

[00:13:16] Candice: Yeah. The day he rang the bell, that was so emotional. Yeah, it was beautiful. We had all our well, not all we had it because of COVID. We only had a few close people in. But that was the moment you could breathe. Watching him ring that bell it was like, I can breathe for a minute. And then when we come home, it’s like your body starts to register. Okay, we’re safe. And then all the emotions come. During hospital I remember feeling like, numb. Like I couldn’t feel happiness, I couldn’t feel sadness. I couldn’t feel at all. So for nine months, I was like a robot. And I remember thinking sometimes, am I ever gonna feel normal again or is this just…, this it? This is how I’m gonna feel moving forward? And then when we got home and settling back into life and River was well, that’s when the trauma hit, the flashbacks, the emotions. So you’ve got nine months worth of fear, unknown, anxiety, and it all just hit all at once. It was horrific. 

[00:14:18] Maryanne: Oh. 

[00:14:18] Candice: The first year after hospital, I would say was harder for me than actually going through the nine months because you just numb yourself. Your body just… 

[00:14:28] Maryanne: Yeah. 

[00:14:28] Candice:  …, automatically shuts down and deals with what it has to deal with on a daily basis until it feels safe enough to process. 

[00:14:34] Maryanne: Mmm. That would’ve been a difficult time. Was your partner having the same flashback experiences, was there any connection there that you could talk through how this…, 

[00:14:45] Candice: Uhm, yeah. Look, we handle things very different. When River was diagnosed, he was straight in there next to him, wouldn’t leave his side, where I just panicked. I, you know…,  

[00:14:56] Maryanne: Yeah. 

[00:14:56] Candice: We handle stress very differently. But yeah, I’d say afterwards we both were going through that. I find now, a few years later, my partner is going through the motions. And I have heard that men sometimes do process things a little bit later. But I did a lot of work during the first year trying to heal from the trauma — psychologists, breath work. I went to Bali and did a retreat, Reiki. I’ve tried everything to get myself to a position where I can be the best mum and the best friend and family member and get myself back to who I used to be to a point. 

[00:15:35] Maryanne: So with the treatment that River had, he was two and a half when he was diagnosed. 

[00:15:39] Candice: Correct. 

[00:15:40] Maryanne: Five, when he finished treatment? 

[00:15:42] Candice: Two and a half. So he was put on a clinical trial. So he was put on a clinical trial and we started the induction phase. Eight weeks into the induction phase…, it would’ve been coming to the end of the induction phase, River stopped responding to treatment. So that meant for us, bone marrow transplant, that was the only option. So early on in River’s treatment, his oncologist became, I think she became a little suspicious that he wasn’t responding as well as she’d hoped. She didn’t say anything to us, but she organised to have River’s brother and sister tested to see if they’d be a match…, 

[00:16:22] Maryanne: Mmm. 

[00:16:23] Candice: For bone marrow transplant. And that’s not what they usually do. It wasn’t until later on we found out that she was thinking that it may go that way. So we had them tested early on, and we were very fortunate for Reid, which is River’s older brother, come back as a 10 outta 10 match. Perfect. Couldn’t ask for any better.  

[00:16:42] Maryanne: Yeah. 

[00:16:43] Candice: So we’d been given that news before we knew River stopped responding to treatment. So that was like a…, you know, you could breathe a little bit. Like if worst case scenario comes around, at least we’ve got an option. And then after the eight weeks, he stopped responding. So we were, yeah, we were told we have to go down the transplant road.  

[00:17:02] Maryanne: So you are managing not only River, I mean, it is the beauty of children, isn’t it?  

[00:17:06] Candice: Mm-hmm. 

[00:17:06] Maryanne: If they have a sense of love around them, that’s actually all that matters.  

[00:17:10] Candice: Yeah. 

[00:17:11] Maryanne: They can have tubes and all sorts of things, but if they’ve got someone who loves them in their corner and they can see them, touch them, feel them, smell ‘em, they’re actually okay. But reflecting on your sharing around the trauma that you experienced in the aftermath, where when the time was all over, just reflecting on that, you would’ve had to have managed River and Reid because you know, there’s a bit of a process with becoming a donor as well. 

[00:17:10] Candice: Yeah, correct.  

[00:17:43] Maryanne: And how was Reid as the donor? 

[00:17:44] Candice: So Reid was seven. And I remember telling him that he was River’s perfect match and he burst into tears. We were all so happy. But for him it was, what, no way. I don’t wanna go to hospital. I’m not going through, I don’t wanna go through this.  

[00:17:59] Maryanne: Mmm. 

[00:17:59] Candice: Is there gonna be needles? Is there gonna be, you know, he was overwhelmed. We had to try and navigate that conversation with him in a way that we didn’t wanna say to him, you are gonna save your brother’s life… 

[00:18:11] Maryanne: Mmm. 

[00:18:11] Candice: Because we didn’t know that, it could have failed. So for us it was like, you are the best chance for River to be okay. And that’s a lot of pressure for a 7-year-old. And you know, to tell him, you have to do this. It was traumatising. Luckily our community and our family and friends got around Reid and everyone pumped him up. Like, you know, how exciting you get to try and help your brother. You had to be careful with your words.  

[00:18:11] Maryanne: You do. 

[00:18:36] Candice: But yeah, he got to a point where he was accepting it, that… 

[00:18:40] Maryanne: Mm-hmm 

[00:18:40] Candice: He was going to donate his bone marrow. And on the day, he was fantastic. He was able to…, so what they do they take the bone marrow in the morning from Reid and in the afternoon they gave it to River. So, in the bone marrow ward there’s not meant to be very many visitors. You gotta be very careful. However, because we had Reid in isolation for a few weeks prior. We didn’t want him getting sick or anything like that. So he was able to sit with River while they gave him his blood, his bone marrow. So that was a beautiful moment. 

[00:19:12] Maryanne: The emotion that’s attached to that beautiful moment. It’s no wonder you’ve had that aftermath that you were sharing. How did it present itself? Let’s go back to how you managed the time when River had rung the bell. And you shared earlier that, that was the most difficult time, and then your choices around that. I’d like to just revisit how it presented itself and how you processed what you needed for yourself. And then how you went about making those choices to strengthen yourself. 

[00:19:45] Candice: Yeah. Look every emotion come back. Like I said, the flashbacks just…, the tears not being able to get out of bed, just the overload of emotions that followed. Trying to get back into a normal life, a normal routine was really tough. I remember one day just having a horrific day. And I remember thinking to myself, I just, I wish I could go back to the hospital and I remember thinking, that is psychotic. What is wrong with me? But that had become my place, that was my comfort zone for nine months. Yeah. Just moved house once River had come out of treatment and rang the bell. So I just had no, I didn’t feel like I had a comfort, you know, my home, my comfort zone. And I remember having this horrific day and thinking, I just wish I could go back to that hospital room. ’cause I felt safe there. I was, it’s really sad actually,  

[00:20:35] Maryanne: Can I just say Candice, that’s actually very normal. Because the treatment for the haematology, from my understanding, is such over…, such a lengthy period of time, that you do build that familiarity, banter, connection, trust.  

[00:20:49] Candice: Yeah. 

[00:20:50] Maryanne: Solid relationships with the treating team, and that buzz of nurses who you become familiar and connected to. It’s your haematologists, it’s all of the allied healthcare professionals who are looking out for you. You build a good relationship. 

[00:21:05] Candice: Yeah. And also with the other parents that were in there, you know? 

[00:21:08] Maryanne: Yeah. 

[00:21:08] Candice: You become really close…, 

[00:21:10] Maryanne: Yeah. 

[00:21:10] Candice: And they understand what you are going through. They understand how you’re feeling. And I, I know coming home, everyone was…, he’s good. Yes, he’s great, but it doesn’t end there. And I think that’s what people don’t realise, they think, okay, he’s home now. He’s healthy. Everything’s good, goes back to normal. It doesn’t. That’s what I find that the trauma hits hardest when everything starts to go back to normal. That’s when your body can breathe and finally process the trauma you’ve been through. 

[00:21:39] Maryanne: Yes. And it is, it’s trauma that you’ve been through. So recognising that and just reflecting on that moment when you wanted to be back on the ward, but recognising too that you’re in a space that, oh we’ve rung the bell. We need to find new beginnings. 

[00:21:54] Candice: Yeah. 

[00:21:54] Maryanne:  And what does that look like, where’s my comfort? What was the turning point that helped you? Or what was it that helped you make that step forward in gathering what you needed in helping you get to where you are today? 

[00:22:09] Candice: I think just my friendship group, my family just talking and being open with them and telling them when I wasn’t okay. And taking their help and support. When I needed it. Yeah, I think that really helped get me through. And then just being honest with myself and just saying, okay, you know what? I need help. I need help to get through this. I want to deal with this. 

[00:22:32] Maryanne:  Yep. 

[00:22:32] Candice:  I want to deal with all the trauma around River. I, I couldn’t even look at photos on my phone at one point because I was just…, so I started doing reiki, I’d done…, I started gym. I made sure I went to gym PT sessions twice a week I think I was doing? And that helped, I guess. 

[00:22:50] Maryanne:  Yes. 

[00:22:51] Candice: So I just committed to little steps at the start. And then eventually I went over to Bali for a week. I initially went by myself and I met my cousin over there. Did some healing work, which was great, and breath work.  

[00:23:03] Maryanne: Mm-hmm. 

[00:23:03] Candice: Recently in the last 12 months, I’ve done some breath work and I find that is fantastic. 

[00:23:09] Maryanne: Can you share a little bit more about that? ‘Cause sometimes, people are really wanting to hear…, 

[00:23:14] Candice: Mm-hmm. 

[00:23:15] Maryanne: How a certain strategy or how a certain thing really made a difference. So what is it about breath work that you feel is most valuable? And just a little bit of an overview around what it looks like. 

[00:23:26] Candice: Yeah. So I did ‘9D breath work’, it’s called, and it’s a breathing technique that relaxes you and it’s a guided voice that takes you through the journey. Well, it’s actually…, someone runs it that’s in our community. So it was a friend of a friend who recommended I do this. So yeah, and I’ve only done one session, but I am going back to continue the journey. But it just brings you face to face with your trauma and you process it in a way I can’t really describe.  

[00:23:59] Maryanne: And you said 9D? 9D.  

[00:24:01] Candice: Yeah 

[00:24:02] Maryanne: Okay. 

[00:24:03] Candice: 9D breath work, yeah. 

[00:24:04] Maryanne: Mm-hmm.  

[00:24:05] Candice: Definitely look into it. It’s…, I believe it is life changing. It really, brings up the trauma for you to deal with head on. It’s my thing. So, you know, everyone needs to find their thing to deal with trauma. Whether it’s a psychologist, it’s breath work, it’s meditation. Meditation is fantastic too. And just self-care as well, just spending time on yourself. I’d go and have a massage once a month and just make time for myself. But yeah, you just gotta find what works for you…, 

[00:24:36] Maryanne: Mm-hmm 

[00:24:37] Candice: And deal with your trauma. 

[00:24:39] Maryanne: Yeah, I love little techniques like that, Candice, because they’re those little, you know, I am sure you’ve listened to our other podcast sessions where we do ask people to offer a golden nugget for others… 

[00:24:51] Candice: Yeah. 

[00:24:51] Maryanne: And just…, it’s in the sharing of our stories and it’s in the sharing of choices that we made that might plant a seed for someone who may be struggling or who may be a little lost. 

[00:25:01] Candice: Yeah.  

[00:25:01] Maryanne: Who may need some guidance, and I think sometimes it’s okay to hear too that it’s okay to struggle because… Do you wanna talk a little bit about that?  

[00:25:09] Candice: Yeah.  

[00:25:09] Maryanne: Just being true to your own emotion? 

[00:25:14] Candice: A hundred percent. If you didn’t struggle, I would be worried, you know, it’s horrific. One of the things I wasn’t prepared for was I thought I was only dealing with my son’s cancer in hospital,  

[00:25:24] Maryanne: Yeah.  

[00:25:25] Candice: But you’re not, even if you don’t want to, you form close bonds with other families in there. 

[00:25:30] Maryanne: Yep. 

[00:25:30] Candice: You’re seeing each other in the kitchen every day. You know, you are, you’re going down to the cafe with each other and you’ll see one of you have a bad day and you start…, you just form relationships.  

[00:25:40] Maryanne: Yes. 

[00:25:40] Candice: So then I found the actual hospital and outside of River’s room just as traumatic, you know,  

[00:25:45] Maryanne: Mmm. 

[00:25:46] Candice: Watching other families lose their children and, even the wider hospital. There’s so much trauma that you’re dealing with and looking at every day that even if you don’t want to, you’re a part of it,  

[00:25:57] Maryanne: It’s the exposure to that fragility of life and it’s also that awareness of the vulnerability…, 

[00:26:02 ] Candice: Hmm.  

[00:26:03] Maryanne: Of your situation. 

[00:26:06] Candice: Yeah. Correct. And I think the thing I struggled with too was the guilt of, River’s okay now. Why am I struggling? And I beat myself up about that a lot in the first year. I would sit there and think, why am I so upset? I should be happy. I should be loving my life. I’ve got everything I wanted. My son’s here, he’s happy. He is playing with his siblings outside. What is wrong with me? There’s people that lost their children. I should be grateful. So I was really hard on myself at one point trying to understand how I could be not feeling great and overwhelmed and full of anxiety and flashbacks when I had my son. So you know, it took me a while to get my head around that my journey is still traumatic. 

[00:26:02] Maryanne: Mmm. 

[00:26:03] Candice: Even though I have my son, it doesn’t mean that, I am not gonna have trauma from what we went through. But the guilt around that was really tough.  

[00:26:57] Maryanne: But I think a normal guilt. A lot of people talk about survivor’s guilt and you know that we are human beings who also wanna question the why. Why has this happened to me? Why am I the lucky one whose son has survived? Yet I’ve had that exposure to, and I’ve joined friendships and relationships with those who lost their child. 

[00:27:21] Candice: Yeah. 

[00:27:21] Maryanne: And I knew that child. Again, that sorrow, that sadness but that also close reality check on your situation and their situation. 

[00:27:33] Candice: Yeah. And that’s what was really tough in there as well, was just, it’s like the lottery. Whether you come out or not, and that’s what’s really sad. It’s horrific and you’re lucky if it all works out and you do walk out of that hospital. But often, yeah, there would be times where I’d sit there and think, why did their child not make it? And, you know, the child down the hall did. It is really hard to wrap your head around because there’s no control over it. 

[00:28:00] Maryanne: And it’s still early days for you. You are still the lion and forever will be, regardless of when River’s a lot older. You’ll be the…, mother cub, you know, you’ll be the, the mummy bear, that he’ll always be your child. With where you’re at now, is there anything that you implement in your three children’s lives that help them emotionally? Moving forward, or do you put a practice in place that helps you and your partner and your three children? Is there anything that you feel that is a value to keep your head above water or that you would recommend others do? 

[00:28:35] Candice: It’s funny when…, I think it was the first year. I drive the kids to school. River and I would drive the two kids to school and every morning I started, what are you grateful for? So I would say to each child in the car and myself, I’d say, “okay guys, every morning we’re going to do this on the way to school, I want three things you’re grateful for today.” And we started doing it, and we did it every day for a year on the way to school. And it was just, it just grounds you on what matters. And the little things are just as important as the big things. The things that they’d come out with what they were grateful for. I remember River one morning, some mornings he’d refused to do it with his moods, but… 

[00:29:15] Maryanne: Yeah. 

[00:29:15] Candice: One morning he said, “today I am grateful for Reid ‘cause he gave me his blood” and I just burst into tears. I was like, so he understood because he was so young. He was three I think when he, yeah, he was two and a half when he was diagnosed. Three when he received the stem cells from Reid. But he understood it in his own way. And I remember one time driving to school and him coming out with that and I just started crying and Reid was just smiling. I said, that’s so beautiful. And often they would say, “I’m grateful that River’s still here” and “I’m grateful that we are a family and we get to go to the park” and… that was one thing I implemented quite early on, just to try and keep us grateful. 

[00:29:55] Maryanne: I love that. 

[00:29:55] Candice: And then, yeah, it was beautiful. And then, the other thing is just when we were together, I just put the phone away. Put my phone away, be present with my children, really watch them. There’s a moment that sticks with me from hospital. We were in the bone marrow ward preparing River for the bone marrow transplant. And this one afternoon, the nurse said, “look, I can disconnect his lines for you if you like, and you can go to the window in the hallway, the main window.” I was like, “that would be amazing.” He hadn’t left his room in a while.  

[00:30:27] Maryanne: Mmm. 

[00:30:27] Candice: So she disconnected his lines, and I took him out to the window, and it was a beautiful sunny day, and there was green grass and I remember sitting at this window with him, and I actually took a video of it. And we were looking at the people, and we were talking about the people walking on the grass and playing outside.  

[00:30:42] Maryanne: Mm-hmm. 

[00:30:43] Candice: You could see the playground, and I just remember thinking, oh my gosh, I can’t wait to do this with him, and I’m gonna take in every moment of it. I’m just gonna sit there, and I’m going to take in every moment. Because you don’t realise how lucky you are to just watch your children play and enjoy life. That stayed with me, that moment. And I try and remember that when I’m with my kids and try and give them my full attention. 

[00:31:05] Maryanne: I love that, Candice. ‘Cause it is really simplicity, isn’t it? It’s gratitude, simplicity…, 

[00:31:16] Candice: Yeah. 

[00:31:16] Maryanne: And what a beautiful mum to teach that to your beautiful young cubs. 

[00:31:17] Candice: Yeah, and I think it’s changing your mindset. A lot of it is as well, coming outta hospital. That’s one thing I worked on as well is stop seeing as such a horrific time. Which it was, but I need to start looking for the positive. We’ve gone through this journey, whether we like it or not, so now I wanna make sure it’s a positive. So, I wanna make sure no other family goes through this time alone. And I wanna reflect on, what I’ve learned from River’s experience and how I can help others through it. And, I just wanna make sure that I take the opportunities to turn it into a positive. 

[00:31:50] Maryanne: Oh, that’s beautiful. That’s beautiful of you. A shared experience does provide comfort. And certainly, what you’ve shared here this morning gives suggestions and ideas on how to get through it, but also an acknowledgement that yes, it is traumatic and that it’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel the trauma. 

[00:32:09] Candice: Yeah 

[00:32:10] Maryanne: Just be mindful to make some good choices on how you get through it. 

[00:32:14] Candice: That’s right. And ask for help. That’s the hard part is because everyone around you is like, oh, he’s better. Like, we can all breathe.  

[00:32:21] Maryanne: Mmm. 

[00:32:22] Candice: It’s good now. And often don’t see the trauma that the family’s going through straight afterwards because it’s just starting. That part of the journey is just starting. 

[00:32:21] Maryanne: So with your contribution that you are wanting to share your experience…, 

[00:32:38] Candice: Mm-hmm. 

[00:32:38] Maryanne: And thank you for being a part of this Talking Blood Cancer podcast, because that’s just one line of communication that some…. 

[00:32:46] Candice: Correct. 

[00:32:46] Maryanne: You’ll be able to share your experiences and choices that you’ve made. What other actions or what other things do you think that you might do help others who have been impacted by blood cancer? 

[00:33:00 Candice: Yeah, I’m open to all areas of lived experience at the moment. I would like to see some changes made. Around the system to support families with someone going through blood cancer, you know, the financial support, emotional support. Even things that when I was in hospital, I remember writing a list thinking, I don’t understand why this works this way. One day when I get outta here…, I’d already thought about that in hospital. I thought one day when I get outta here, I’m going to come back and try and make this process easier for some families. There was little things like because we were in there for such a long time. On a Sunday, there’d be no fresh linen. So for me, I couldn’t understand that, so I had a list and there was a light switch in one of the rooms, and you had to hold it to make it dim. Now it took me two months to realise that no one told me. So at night I had this bright light, so many things. I just feel like even financially the impact that has on families is horrific.  

[00:33:56] Maryanne: Mmm. 

[00:33:57] Candice: We were entitled to carers’ payment, which was around 140 a fortnight. That’s it.  

[00:34:03] Maryanne: Mmm. 

[00:34:04] Candice: We’re living at the hospital for nine months. We have mortgage, bills, car payments, everything else going on, and there’s no support for you. For us, luckily our community and family and friends rallied around us and they did fundraisers and merchandise. We had Team River merchandise. So everywhere in the community you’d see someone with a t-shirt, a Team River t-shirt, or a beanie or, you know. So we had, um, family and friends went above and beyond to make sure that we would be okay financially. 

[00:34:03] Maryanne: That’s humbling , isn’t it, Candice? And, that’s a great reflection on the connections that you have made in your community.  

[00:34:40] Candice: Mmm. 

[00:34:41] Maryanne: That giving back moment, which I’m sure that you’ve obviously been that participant in the community, so it was a no-brainer for your community rally around and be there for you. 

[00:34:52] Candice: Mm-hmm. 

[00:34:53] Maryanne: How lovely, you’re lucky. 

[00:34:54] Candice: Yeah. My partner and I grew up one town back from where we are now. So, we have a lot of people around us from when we were younger. So there’s some people that have moved out, but a lot of people are still quite local. So, it was overwhelming, the support. I remember sitting there thinking, how wonderful that all these people care enough to help us through this time. It was very emotional and overwhelming. But they rallied around us like you wouldn’t believe. We’re lucky we had that. Most people in there do not have that. I’ve watched volunteers come in and sit with children while they’re getting chemo and their parents have go to work. Now that’s horrific. 

[00:35:32] Maryanne: Mmm.  

[00:35:32] Candice: In this day and age, we need to be supported. 

[00:35:35] Maryanne: Yeah, very much. I mean, I know that when a child has leukaemia, you’ve got lots of different organisations…, 

[00:35:41] Candice: Correct. 

[00:35:41] Maryanne: Who provide support more so than adults. But still it’s, that it…, we live in a very expensive world. Life is tough, finances are limited, 

[00:35:53] Candice: Mm-hmm 

[00:35:53] Maryanne: And when you are impacted by blood cancer, having to manage the balance of one of you maintaining a work and an income…, 

[00:36:01] Candice: Yeah,  

[00:36:01] Maryanne: To keep the bills. It is a traumatic time. 

[00:36:05] Candice: It is, and you are right. There are some wonderful organisations and charities that rally around you. And we were forever grateful for them. We actually didn’t take up a lot of the offers because we wanted to keep that for someone else because we were fortunate enough to have our community around us. But these charities are wonderful and if it wasn’t for them, a lot of the families in there would been… I dunno what would happen. And that’s a reflection on our government. Like they need to step up and start supporting childhood cancer in the sense with…, financially, no child should have to sit with someone they don’t know or volunteer while they get chemo because their parent has to work. Otherwise they lose everything.  

[00:36:44] Maryanne: Yeah that’s traumatic in itself, isn’t it? 

[00:36:47] Candice: Mm-hmm.  

[00:36:48] Maryanne: Yeah. Absolutely. So where are you at now? What’s your routine now to keep Candice the strong lady that she is? And how does family life, look like for you now? 

[00:36:48] Candice: So all three children are at school, which is amazing. River’s just finishing grade prep, he’s loving that. My eldest Addison, she’s in high school. Every day we just do our thing and I make sure I make time for my mental health and, continue on with my healing journey. I’m very big on that, meditation. So River’s dad and I actually separated after hospital. Yeah, but we’re still really close, which is great. So, they spend time with their dad. And when they do, I, make sure I enjoy that moment to myself and look after myself. I think that’s very important, self-care. And I prioritise my mental health so that I can be the best mum I can be for my kids. So we’re in a good routine now. We’re settled into life.  

[00:37:43] Maryanne: Lovely. Candice, can I ask with River starting prep, the communication with teachers and with, I know that some families, because they’ve had an immune suppression condition. They have a lot of anxiety sending them off to a school environment where some parents send their kids to school if they’ve got the flu or…, 

[00:38:04] Candice: Yeah.  

[00:38:09] Maryanne: Did you worry about that time with River entering the school environment? 

[00:38:09] Candice: Yeah, I guess it’s always in the back of your head. But at the same time, his immune system was at a point where he was given the okay to go back to school. I’ve raised with his school to let me know if there’s chickenpox or any live virus like that, because River hasn’t had his injections for those yet. So I just communicate with the school. If he’s not feeling great, I keep him home. But, it gets to a point where you just gotta let him live. 

[00:38:36] Maryanne: Yeah. 

[00:38:36] Candice: We still have the fear of relapse in the back of our mind. Every year we get closer to the point where it’s not a huge chance of relapse. But the first five years are, if it’s gonna happen, when it normally happens. So you learn to just live in the moment and take life, it is what it is. You can’t wrap them in cotton wool and he’s been given the okay to go back to school. If he gets a cold or he gets sick, we’ll deal with it then. But I can’t keep him home for the rest of his life and not let him live. 

[00:39:04] Maryanne: That’s exactly right. And time is our greatest healer, isn’t it? 

[00:39:09] Candice: It is. 

[00:39:09] Maryanne: Time is our greatest healer and open communication, gratitude, and self-care.  

[00:38:02] Candice: Mm-hmm. 

[00:39:15] Maryanne: That being the key messages that I’ve heard that you’ve shared here this morning, which I think are really valuable messages. 

[00:39:21] Candice: Yeah. It’s a very tough, hard journey. There’s no right or wrong way through it. If I had advice for anyone, it would, you know, find your people. 

[00:39:30] Maryanne: Mm-hmm. 

[00:39:30] Candice: Let them help you, let them support you. Advocate for your child. You are a part of their medical team as well. So if something doesn’t feel right, speak up. Lean on all your foundations and charities because they are wonderful, and they’ll bend over backwards to help you. And one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. Just, focus in on the first thing in front of you. And eventually, you will see light at the end of the tunnel and you do get through there eventually, even though it doesn’t feel like it’s ever gonna end. 

[00:40:00] Maryanne: Yeah, that’s lovely words Candice. I really thank you for joining me here this morning. You’re a strong mum. I can see the strength in you, but you’ve made some really lovely choices for yourself, which I’m sure has had that ripple effect down to your children. So I wish you all the very best in the future.  

[00:40:16] Candice: Thank you. 

[00:40:16] Maryanne: And thank you for sharing what you’ve been through and the choices that you’ve made. I hope that, and I know that it will help other mums  

[00:40:25] Candice: Yeah.  

[00:40:26] Maryanne: Who are experiencing and are supporting a little one with blood cancer. 

[00:40:30] Candice: Thank you so much for having me.